Long time, little to no updates.
I’m so so so so sorry once again, as usual. I’ve been having my ups and downs but as usual the rain stops and the sun shines once again. So I guess life will figure out its problems eventually. Just need to keep trying and do my best like I always do.
I have to admit, My confidence fell a lot in the past few weeks. I did feel as if I wasn’t improving my art but the real issue there was my thinking. My art was indeed improving, my thinking however, was not. As a Buddhist, I should be avoiding the negative thinking and forgive myself. I am way to harsh on myself this year. I’ve come to realize that I am not very mindful to the way I treat myself, rather than how I treat others. I always have been putting others first, and yet I becoming sad or lonely because I wish someone would do the same for me. That there was also another thing I shouldn’t be doing. I shouldn’t be ‘wanting’ something from anyone. Want is to desire, and desire is a poison which must be avoided at all costs. When I came to realize my problem, I felt very depressed about it but the depression went away only slightly. I have come to think that its actually a good think that I am now aware of my issue. Like I will tell others, being aware and knowing is the first step to trying to fixing an issue. I should be taking my own advice. haha.
It always bugs me how I find it so hard to take my own advice. Its always easier to take another’s advice on something. I’ve been so harsh to myself as well. The negativity has been too much to handle but I will make it go away. Its being very stubborn but I will continue to pressure it with positively. It is unhealthy to be so negative. I can visually imagine the damage it causes to my body and already have the urge to cleanse and purify it with the positive energy that my body deserves.
If I have learnt anything from the past year, it would be that negative thoughts and actions will cause the body both mental and physical harm. It will bring down your life to such a low point in which you will be silently suffering. Once you become negative, it consumes you and becomes very hard to get out of.
I want to improve my thinking as well as my art. So as a new resolution I want to love myself more than hate. As hard as it sounds, I really want to treat myself with more kindness and compassion so I can become happier in this life.
Thank you for reading.